What have you done lately?

wyrmy has dabbled in game design, and basked in the august presence of Judge Ito. Remember the dancing Itos, they were funny.

tony has been playing the most dangerous game. Okay, it may not be what Richard Connell had in mind, but close enough. One hopes he had a chance to enjoy his surroundings in between bouts of 'Reality.'

And kiyav has probably read a couple of books in the time it has taken me to pound out this entry.

And me? Well, like the heading says, I gots triglycerides! You see, during December I somehow managed to acquire an ear infection. After a few weeks of intermittent pain, I gave in to weakness and went to see the doctor. He decided that since I had not been to a doctor for a few years, he should check my blood pressure. "That's quite high," he said. He also thought he should do some bloodwork since it had been so long. A month later, I go back, ear infection all cleared up, and he tells me my cholesterol is very high, so high I have an increased risk of heart disease, change your wicked ways, blah blah blah...

I found this very distressing. Mostly because, well we all know people with truly unhealthy lifestyles. Take Clint for instance. I mean, I like the guy, but his diet consists of pizza, beer, and flayed minion. As for exercise, well sometimes he pushes the mouse button really really fast. I always figured I'd be dancing on his grave, dust off my old backspin or something. Of course now that I've learned I have bacon grease for blood, he might wind up dancing on my grave, a slice in one hand and a 40 in the other. That would suck, well for me it would, being dead and all.

It's all Frank's fault. Stupid Frank and his 'pizza a day for lunch' diet. Well, he doesn't work with me any longer, so I can go back to my salad eating ways. And excercise. And kick that doctor in the ass the next time I see him. "Triglycerides that, beeyatch!" is what I'm gonna tell him.

Although I have been able to realize my dream of boat ownership but that's a tale for another time, when I'm not busy kicking tryglycerides' asses.

It's only been about nine months or so, but I've finally uploaded my pictures from Bryn and Kathy's Big Day:

bryn_kat_wedding_pix

Quite possibly the best wedding I have ever had the privilege of attending. It started late, so late that even all the power of my super-fiance couldn't stop us from missing the ceremony. Said ceremony was short and to the point. All the costumes added a touch of theatre. (Although I didn't realize Jesse K. was supposed to be some sort of Shinto priest; with the Belle Epoque theme and those outstanding sideburns, I thought he was a sort of English vicar. Oh well.)

The fun was marred only by the fact that, with my head completely up my butt about finals, I neglected to get them a present. Some token, acknowledging their new life together. Nicole, this is your fault. You're the goto person on stuff like this. Therefore, no disgusting Jones soda for you this Xmas.

"The medium is the Message," he used to say, sounding sagely, a small smile on his face. He was the teacher of my Honors English class in high school. (I was later kicked out of class, that being my last such brush with honor, but that's another story entirely.) It seemed to pop up at the most innocuous times during his lectures. The manner in which he uttered his mantra seemed to imply it was the most obvious and enlightening nugget of information he was passing along to us. And he never bothered to explain what it meant.

"The medium is the message." The problem is, of course, that the meaning of this little gem is far from obvious. If you expect a room full of high school kids to suddenly jump on your bandwagon, well, you've just revealed yourself to be quite the r-tard. In fact, if you've read your McLuhan, you know that the meaning is sort of the opposite of what is stated. It's all very zen, sound-of-one-hand-clapping type stuff.

"The medium is the message." McLuhan is talking about media (specifically mass media) as an extension of man, and the way these media shape our society. So the fact that Shakespeare wrote Romeo and Juliet in play form as opposed a novel or something is not important; what's important, or what would be important to McLuhan is how the playwriting form influenced Elizabethan England, and perhaps how Shakespeare’s poetic style influenced the thought and speech of the day

"Language is a virus." This one also gets me, especially when the person saying it says it in a manner suggesting that, again, it is the most erudite thought that ever occurred to anyone. Thankfully this old saw seems to have gone out of vogue. Of course with electronic media allowing memes to travel at the speed of light, I have every fear some pseudo-intellectual will pick this one up, dust it off, and send it off propagating anew.

"Language is a virus from outer space." This is the full quote from William S. Burroughs. (I have this fantasy that in the next life, I'll be in kick-ass biker gang with Burroughs, Jack Kerouac, and Hunter S. Thompson. We'll ride around, looking for trouble, having cool adventures and stuff... but that's not really relevant here.) If you would dare truncate the words of America's pre-eminent genius junky literary god, you do not deserve vocal chords to speak with, or fingers to type with. He wasn't being profound; he was being profoundly weird. He had this whole theory about language being a biological virus from space that altered the vocal chords of the first humans so that they could make vocal sound that propagated throughout the population.

“We will fight them on the beaches…” I saw this just the other day. It’s a shame Churchill is so often misquoted. As a politician I don’t think he’d be too successful today; he’s just not an attractive man. But as a wordsmith he was a pimp. “…We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets…” yep, using repetition to drive home the point that the British are really, really, really going to fight those Nazis. He wasn’t really waxing philosophical, but he contributed so many ideas to the culture: “Their finest hour,” “Blood, Toil, Tears and Sweat,” (or blood, sweat and tears as people have come to say it.). He doesn’t get the respect he deserves. Keep mangling his words, and zombie Churchill will bitch slap your ass. You’ve been warned.

The super-fiance and I were in Las Vegas in August. Did you know that "Las Vegas" means "the meadows?" I didn't, but Stratosphere has this cool thing where they pump The History Channel into your room, but only show stuff that pertains to Nevada.

"But Jess," you say. "In your Vegas hotel room, you're supposed to watch the smorgasborg of porn channels!" To which I reply that, more or less, The History Channel is my porn. I can (and did) watch hours of footage on the history of the Hoover Dam alone (June was asleep.)

Which brings me to the impetus to visit the Pioneer Saloon. I enjoy history; June likes ghost towns. And of course THC played up the angle that this place was supposedly haunted, and that sealed the deal for her. The saloon in question is located in a semi-ghost town called Goodsprings. Did you know that Clark Gable stayed at the Goodsprings Hotel while waiting for news of the crashed plane his wife had been on? (She died.) Well, the hotel burned down in the sixties, and all that's left is rusty bits of the past, and folks in mobile homes that want to get away, far away, from other folks. And The World Famous Pioneer Saloon.

The saloon in question is completely covered in pressed tin. Why this was done is never explained. It is also said to be haunted by miners and assorted personalities. The only spectres we encountered were bikers - who enjoy riding out to the middle of nowhere just for the ride, tourists - like us who were suckered out here, and the crusty locals.

If you click through and check out the full size photo in my album, you'll see that two jokers actually rode out on their scooters. Pretty ballsy if you figure their low top speed v.s. other folks blowing through the desert as fast as they can. Like I say, whitey loves him some scooters. The rest of the pix show some of the ghost town type stuff to be found there.

Flyboys arrives in theatres this friday. Upon viewing the trailer, I had two thoughts:

What kind of corny fx vehicle did satan's own Dean Devlin put together this time ? (seriously; Independence Day, The Day After Tomorrow, the list goes on)

How do they justify the black pilot?

I'm no fan of revisionist history or political correctness. If we try to smooth over the injustices of the past, we risk forgetting the progess (or lack of same) that has occured. I would argue that highlighting these facets of history would make for more compelling cinema.

Seems I got my knickers in a twist over nothing:
The Black Swallow of Death was a real guy, and he was killing the kaiser's boys before your father was a twinkle in your grandaddy's eye.

Every road has a story.

Apparently, many of them also have movie deals.

The funny thing is, the real story is much more interesting than the movie.

The Scourge of Arial

Man, that's not cool. I like Arial.

Obviously I'm being a bit inflammatory, perhaps even over-reacting a bit. I'm sure Mr. Lee is not even the biggest whore within a one block radius of his current location.

But c'mon, he's 'Unca Stan' the elder statesman of the comics industry. He's got respect, gravitas, all of that stuff. When he has walk on roles in crap movies like Mallrats, he brings a quiet dignity to the screen.

Stan the Man is no stranger to publicity... But is this the kind of publicity he needs? Wednesday night SciFi showed "Stan Lee's Lightspeed," which could just as well have been "Stan Lee's (insert name of SciFi channel produced crap movie here)." I watched five minutes of it, and is was bad. That was followed up Thursday night with "Who Wants to be a Superhere - With Stan Lee." And I watched all of it. You know how they say "It was like a car wreck, I couldn't look away." This was like the worst kind of car accident. Instead of hosing entrails off the asphalt, it was the self-respect of 11 losers gurgling quietly into storm drains of reality tv.

At 84 years of age, this horrible spectacle may well be Lee's legacy. Perhaps somewhere Jack 'King' Kirby is laughing his ass off. At least, I like think so.

Superman Returns. This was THE summer movie I was looking forward to. When the super-fiance dragged me to X3, I annoyed her by continually whispering "Superman could totally kick all their asses." Unfortunately this is is not true as the returned Superman does not fight.

Issue #1) No super-chingaso, super-fisticuffs, or super-bitchslapping. What was the thinking here? Superman is closing in on his 70th birthday. What is behind his enduring popularity? He's SUPER, man. He does shit that normal folks can't do. Like kick super amounts of ass. I mean damn, glue some rubber stalagmites on Danny Trejo and you've got Doomsday for Supes to pound on. Slap an Atomic Skull head on Ed Norton and you've got, ummm, the Atomic Skull to zap radiation around. Goddammit, superhero flix is action flix. Good and evil trade knuckle sandwiches for the fate of the world. Are you with me?!

Issue #2) People walking out of the theatre asking "How did she not know who the father was?" So Returns was set after Superman II when Supes gives Lois a super-kiss and she forgets everything blah blah blah, but ignoring Superman III and IV.
Nice thought, but these movies are more than twenty years old. How the fuck is Joe Moviegoer supposed to get this? I read the interviews online where Singer explains the setting and continuity. I'm a fucking comic geek. Did they expect everyone to research this? Reading homework should not be mandatory for movie enjoyment. A franchise reboot worked for Batman, it would have worked here, instead of this muddle.

Issue #3 Worst. Story. Ever. Movie treatments of iconic properties need to reveal essential truths. You have to tell us someting that we did not know before. It has to fit.

Take the original Trek movies. Wrath of Khan is the best one, the only one that really works. A forgotten secret from Kirk's past has been growing cancer-like in a dark corner of the Trek galaxy, and it materializes to bite Kirk in the ass in a major way. Character development, backstory, "Khan!!!!" this is what I'm talking about. That crappy movie with whales in San Fransisco - totally retarded. Nobody remembers that junk.

What does Superman abandoning his son tell us about Superman? I dunno.
Bullshit imagery of supes falling backtoward earth, posed like Jesus on the cross. Too easy, and it doesn't work. Yes, Superman is powerful like a god. That's where the similarities end. If he lives, it isn't a sacrifice. Superman is not about the peace and love, just like Jesus doesn't fight ninjas.

Worst Offense: Lois Lane is supposed to be plucky and capable, too smart for her own good. As seen here she's reduced to simpering over Supes. Also, she gets brutally bounced around an airplane and bonked on the head a couple times with a rock and she's put through the emotional ringer. Superman movies are NOT about sadism towards Lois.

Nice Touch: In the old skool books, there are plenty of panels where thugs with Tommy Guns try to ventilate Superman, this was usually rendered as orange streaks ricocheting off his chest. In the movie the Tommy Gun is updated to a mini-gun. Not worth the price of admission, but still cool.